To Whoever Took our Bike: We are praying for you.

Today’s surprise lesson trumped the thrilling multiplication drills I had planned. We awoke to the news that my son’s bike was stolen. The handlebar light found lying lonely in the driveway.

Like most parenting scenarios, I had to think on my feet about the best way to respond. This obviously isn’t a major tragedy to us. But in your eight-year-old world it might be.

What do we do when these things happen in life? They can happen to any of us and I quickly jumped to meet the challenge that this could damage or strengthen their little view of this confusing, unjust world. How do I shepherd in this moment? Thank God when grace takes over our thoughts and anger is dispelled.

I want to invite you into our morning conversation because sometimes these little people I’m rearing blow my mind. By 10 a.m., I didn’t care about what other learning needed to happen today. This was enough.

So first, we discussed, does how you respond to frustrating situations matter?

We went over examples like how they could make a mess once and I could yell and label them as messy OR ask again to put something away and show them how. Which response do they like? I could really do damage to their heart or help to restore and reassure it with mercy. Does that extend outside of our home as well?

Second, this person that took our bike, what might their life look like if they are tempted to steal from someone's yard? I asked them if they were tempted to steal things they saw in the neighbor’s yard? When they said no I asked why.

Why aren’t you tempted to steal the neighbor’s basketball when they're not at home? Is it because you have your own? Because we taught you that's wrong? Because we are parents you could ask for something and we might help you get it? Perhaps people don't have these elements in their lives.

We made a list of emotions and tried to think what might motivate them in each emotion to steal.

ME: What about sadness?

KIDS: Maybe his bike got stolen. 

Maybe just getting new things makes him feel happy. 

Maybe he wanted one for Christmas and never got one.

What about anger?

Maybe he doesn't like us for some reason. (Umm…Ouch. I hadn’t thought of that.) 

Maybe it's revenge because someone stole his bike.

What if he's hungry or poor?

What if he took our bike so he could pawn it or sell it for money or trade it for something. 

Or did it for his parents because they needed something.

What if he did this because he's happy? Is that possible?

Maybe he's happy because he thinks he can do whatever he wants. 

Maybe they just took a joy ride down the steep street behind us.

What about peer pressure? What if he's lonely but it seems friends will accept him if he takes on their dares? What if his parents are the ones putting on that pressure? Would that be confusing if your parents tell you stealing is OK and the cops can't be trusted? Would that distort your idea of what right and wrong really is?

What if he feels unloved?

What if he didn't get a bike and feels unloved; that people didn't care about his needs?

Wow.

I was astounded by their answers and their ability to consider the conditions of others. Isn’t that what’s needed for us to really see those around us and empathize with them? I didn’t imagine I could have felt thankful for a bike getting stolen, but was starting to feel that in our discussion.

Finally, how do we feel for this person if we think that any one of these problems could be his motivation to take from others? How should we respond?

So, we could:

1)  Be Angry, Unforgiving, and Pray against them?  OR

2)  Be Loving, Forgiving, and Pray for them?

Which would be the best response? We voted. And they chose #2.

So, we decided to send this person a message.

We prayed for this person to seek God’s forgiveness and choose a better path for their life. He has so much more for them to do. And that we would be ready with the chance to give grace if they should ask. There was a brokenness for them now and not a trace of anger.

Then I appreciated their thoughtfulness as they chose what they considered a “friendly” color of turquoise paper, mounted it with cardboard in a page protector and staked it as a sign at the end of our driveway.

What will we do if they knock on our door? What if the bike just reappears in the driveway? Or likely we will never see it again. Does that change us?

Is it possible that this could be the start of someone’s redemption story? Would you be willing to pray with me that it would be?

I know sometimes I naively face life in a rosy, optimistic way. It’s how I make it through dentist trips and road trips. But I would rather err on the side of second-chances toward someone in my community who needs it. I want to be a mercy-giver more, in my home and outside of it.

Thanks stranger for our lesson today.

The Little Moments are IT: Writing a Satisfying Purpose Statement

My perspective has been so shaken lately and I’ve got to figure out how to share it! 

Because it’s a heartache I hear over and over again among women- overcoming discontentment with life.

I slip into funks when I don’t know what I’m doing or “do” in life, approaching 40 and wondering if I’m doing “it” yet. Whatever “it” is. I can be busy but still feel like I’m missing something. My life can be full of people but still feel a little lonely and confused. I was in one of these seasons recently and headed out the door for my much-needed weekend with my college BFF, when my husband threw out this challenge- “So, like, talk and write out a purpose statement together while you’re there.”

Yeah, easy.

But in all my ramblings and catching up over the weekend I did feel like some key ideas came into focus.

See, I’m married to a very creative visionary who also works in a world where he’s always asked what the next goal is. A book? Speaking engagements? Another degree?

So he comes home and asks me the same thing. What’s next? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10? What are your goals? These questions that could be full of hope usually spark a dive into depression.

I really appreciate that he asks, and I know that he will support whatever I want to try- No matter how big it is or what it takes some day. He is supportive, thoughtful and challenging in a good way (and didn’t even ask me to say nice things about him here.)

But while I know he wants to support and inspire me, I need him to stop asking me to set goals.

My Realm

I homeschool 2 sons, am active at church, work a part-time job at home, have my box of seasonal crafts, and we open up our house a lot (constantly!) to college students, but when he asks me those questions I immediately look outside of this circle and strain to think of something else I could be doing. Yeah, what’s my book idea or business strategy or foundation to work for? What area of my life can go big? Why aren't there any orphans in my house?? I'm not even close to any of these ideals so “Do I impact anybody?” is the depressing question I settle on.

Over that talkative weekend I realized that my little realm of life is pretty full. And full of good things. So we started with the first question- what is our end goal in life? I see my purpose as living life as part of God’s Kingdom now. I live this life with Jesus as King, in His culture, growing in Christlikeness until one day I step into His eternal Kingdom. So, what will be worth it along the way?

For me, for now, these were the major 3 themes that emerged as most important or passionate:

1)  Be an engaged, faithful disciple of Jesus and set that example for my kids.

2)  Be involved in renewing hearts and minds. (Romans 12:2)

3)  Be involved in restoring the family.

I took a look at the obvious opportunity, audience and needs around me. Currently, we could have an endless flow of college students through our doors. Our main conversations center around freedom in Christ, renewing our minds by recognizing lies, giving them over to God and receiving healing truth in prayer, and advice about marriage or family. We meet for coffee and to take walks, invite for dinner or prayer meetings. Nothing international, nothing large-scale, but I’m seeing the value that these are “the things” of life that have meaning for me. And that realization has changed everything.

If I think of these as the themes in my life I want to invest in, then any coffee date over the superficial and the serious are renewing the mind, taking it captive to obedience to Christ. Any solitude time where I pull away from busyness, is renewing my own heart and mind as a disciple. When we serve dinner and play games we are renewing what family can mean. Many don’t have a healthy picture of family anymore.

We are surrounded by college students who have suffered abuse, hurt, abandonment, criticism, absent parenting, or military shell-shock. Their past is painful and therefore their future is scary. I think people will be drawn to any home where dinner is served, seated around the table, with conversation. That is missing today and they feel it. The simple act of opening our home and including others, I am convinced can re-shape what family can be. If I see these “little” moments as the great work of life on my path then I find myself teary chopping vegetables and setting the table to include a student who I know that their parents abused and withheld love from them as a child. Laughing and talking about early marriage can be formative for couples staring at marriage with fear because they both come from broken homes. Giving a girl time to hear about her relationships and questions and sharing my experiences could give her path new direction and may just change everything.

These themes that bring others onto the path with me of drawing into an abundant life in Christ, is “the work”, “the calling”, “the thing” I am really looking for. This shift in perspective is changing everything for me. I don’t have to search and start something new. I can see the value behind what I am already doing and it may just be eternal. It feels good not to think about changing everything about myself to fit someone’s standard. I’m learning to walk in God’s Spirit and see that my life is already very full.

My Themes and what they mean:

1)  Be a faithful disciple and set that example for my kids. Give them an honest, faithful picture of faith. Break from life for solitude. Be mentored by others. Be a life-long student of the Word. Meditate on Scripture while exercising or doing other activities. Live generously in all ways.

2)  Renewing hearts and minds. Whether in my own life or others- Give lies over and receive God’s truth consistently. Take any opportunity to do this with others. Playdates. Coffee dates. Dinners. Prayer meetings-  All centered around this eternal perspective.

3) Restoring the family.  Share life and my family with others. Model family life over meals, movie nights and games. Pre-marital counseling. Talking about intentional traditions or parenting. Making holiday activities for my kids and friends.

I can’t control what others will do after they leave our realm but it is tangible for me right now to look at my monthly calendar peppered with these appointments and know that these make up good days. They were the work I “should” be doing. They add up to a satisfying life. These themes can help me weed out what I should take on as well. Are there other good opportunities of things to be involved in? Yes, but I may need to say no to keep investing in what I already have.  

Is this mediocre? What is mediocre? Welcoming His Kingdom come, His Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven into this life and helping others find healing in order to live in victory over pizza and board games? I can be content with that. It sure beats false guilt over all the things I am not doing. I want God to be glorified in the “small” things.   

So, what do you think is the goal while we are on this journey of life?

What are the themes in life you are passionate about? 

What are the needs around you that you could meet while staying within your realm?

When you define these themes and then look at the big picture, are the simple things in life what are important?