My perspective has been so shaken lately and I’ve got to
figure out how to share it!
Because it’s a heartache I hear over and over again
among women- overcoming discontentment with life.
I slip into funks when I don’t know what I’m doing or “do”
in life, approaching 40 and wondering if I’m doing “it” yet. Whatever “it” is.
I can be busy but still feel like I’m missing something. My life can be full of
people but still feel a little lonely and confused. I was in one of these
seasons recently and headed out the door for my much-needed weekend with my
college BFF, when my husband threw out this challenge- “So, like, talk and
write out a purpose statement together while you’re there.”
Yeah, easy.
But in all my ramblings and catching up over the weekend I
did feel like some key ideas came into focus.
See, I’m married to a very creative visionary who also works
in a world where he’s always asked what the next goal is. A book? Speaking
engagements? Another degree?
So he comes home and asks me the same thing. What’s next?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10? What are your goals? These
questions that could be full of hope usually spark a dive into depression.
I really appreciate that he asks, and I know that he will support whatever I want to try- No matter how big it is or what it takes some day. He is supportive, thoughtful and challenging in a good way (and didn’t even ask me to say nice things about him here.)
But while I know he wants to support and inspire me, I need him to stop asking me to set goals.
My Realm
I homeschool 2 sons, am active at church, work a part-time
job at home, have my box of seasonal crafts, and we open up our house a lot
(constantly!) to college students, but when he asks me those questions I
immediately look outside of this circle and strain to think of something else I
could be doing. Yeah, what’s my book idea or business strategy or foundation to
work for? What area of my life can go big? Why aren't there any orphans in my house?? I'm not even close to any of these ideals so “Do I impact anybody?” is the
depressing question I settle on.
Over that talkative weekend I realized that my little realm
of life is pretty full. And full of good things. So we started with the first
question- what is our end goal in life?
I see my purpose as living life as part of God’s Kingdom now. I live this life
with Jesus as King, in His culture, growing in Christlikeness until one day I
step into His eternal Kingdom. So, what will be worth it along the way?
For me, for now, these were the major 3 themes that emerged as
most important or passionate:
1) Be an engaged, faithful disciple of Jesus and
set that example for my kids.
2) Be involved in renewing hearts and minds. (Romans
12:2)
3) Be involved in restoring the family.
I took a look at the obvious opportunity, audience and needs
around me. Currently, we could have an endless flow of college students through
our doors. Our main conversations center around freedom in Christ, renewing our
minds by recognizing lies, giving them over to God and receiving healing truth
in prayer, and advice about marriage or family. We meet for coffee and to take
walks, invite for dinner or prayer meetings. Nothing international, nothing
large-scale, but I’m seeing the value that these are “the things” of life that
have meaning for me. And that realization has changed everything.
If I think of these as the themes in my life I want to
invest in, then any coffee date over the superficial and the serious are
renewing the mind, taking it captive to obedience to Christ. Any solitude time
where I pull away from busyness, is renewing my own heart and mind as a
disciple. When we serve dinner and play games we are renewing what family can
mean. Many don’t have a healthy picture of family anymore.
We are surrounded by college students who have suffered
abuse, hurt, abandonment, criticism, absent parenting, or military shell-shock.
Their past is painful and therefore their future is scary. I think people will
be drawn to any home where dinner is served, seated around the table, with
conversation. That is missing today and they feel it. The simple act of opening
our home and including others, I am convinced can re-shape what family can be. If
I see these “little” moments as the great work of life on my path then I find myself teary chopping
vegetables and setting the table to include a student who I know that their parents abused and withheld love from them as a child. Laughing and talking
about early marriage can be formative for couples staring at marriage with fear
because they both come from broken homes. Giving a girl time to hear about her
relationships and questions and sharing my experiences could give her path new
direction and may just change everything.
These themes that bring others onto the path with me of
drawing into an abundant life in Christ, is
“the work”, “the calling”, “the thing” I am really looking for. This shift
in perspective is changing everything for me. I don’t have to search and start
something new. I can see the value behind what I am already doing and it may
just be eternal. It feels good not to think about changing everything about
myself to fit someone’s standard. I’m learning to walk in God’s Spirit and see
that my life is already very full.
My Themes and what they mean:
1) Be a faithful disciple and set that example for
my kids. Give them an honest, faithful picture of faith. Break from life for
solitude. Be mentored by others. Be a life-long student of the Word. Meditate
on Scripture while exercising or doing other activities. Live generously in all
ways.
2) Renewing hearts and minds. Whether in my own
life or others- Give lies over and receive God’s truth consistently. Take any
opportunity to do this with others. Playdates. Coffee dates. Dinners. Prayer
meetings- All centered around this
eternal perspective.
3) Restoring the family. Share life and my family with others. Model
family life over meals, movie nights and games. Pre-marital counseling. Talking
about intentional traditions or parenting. Making holiday activities for my
kids and friends.
I can’t control what others will do after they leave our
realm but it is tangible for me right now to look at my monthly calendar
peppered with these appointments and know that these make up good days. They were
the work I “should” be doing. They add up to a satisfying life. These themes
can help me weed out what I should take on as well. Are there other good
opportunities of things to be involved in? Yes, but I may need to say no to
keep investing in what I already have.
Is this mediocre?
What is mediocre? Welcoming His Kingdom come, His Will be done, on earth as it
is in heaven into this life and helping others find healing in order to live in
victory over pizza and board games? I can be content with that. It sure beats
false guilt over all the things I am not doing. I want God to be glorified in
the “small” things.
So, what do you think is
the goal while we are on this journey of life?
What are the themes in
life you are passionate about?
What are the needs around you that you could meet while staying within your realm?
When you define these
themes and then look at the big picture, are the simple things in life what are
important?
